11.19.2005

maybe ladytron & more

about to go out to tempest. granted it's 18 & over BUT 2 of ladytron are suppose to dj so we're going to dance. we're going to dance like there's no tomorrow. im so happy. this year's almost over. can't believe it's november already (again). i called this year to be "my year" and i'm going to make damn sure (think partially i already have) i'll keep it that way until the very end. no take backs. i've been pretty lucky so far. it's not so bad being me... do i hear a knock on my door?

11.18.2005

i cancelled a date

how can two people who are so wrong for each other miss each other so much? This girl i know said over lunch yesterday that when her three year relationship ended, her first instinct of the things she didn't like about the guy when they first met were the exact reasons why she couldn't be with him anymore. how is it that we're able to be involved with people who are completely wrong for one another be together for such long period of time? i almost wish that i didn't get out of going out tonight so that my mind would stop wondering. it's becoming exhausting.

11.17.2005

i hate

the fact that you hang out with people i dislike. i wish that some day soon, it won't bother me anymore. i don't want to care or to be hurt by it. and i hate the fact that it's you of all people who's making me feel this way. it makes your last email meaningless.

11.14.2005

first of many

yesterday grace and i had dinner and saw shopgirl. it wasn't anything special. oh and i had a thought yesterday. this is kinda unfortunate? a bit weird but i was thinking about us, you and me, how things are between us and i was trying to relate us to someone i knew or other people and i came up with rachel and ross. i know thats pretty sad but it's true. so strange how tings turn out. i miss you so much. you dont understand how many times ive doubted myself, whether im doing the right thing. i felt broken after what happen.
today at a bar, a new friend of mine and i decided to stay put and not get up to have made-up, unecessary conversation with people. made me happy.
i wonder if a month will do us any good. i wonder if we'll be talking then.