maybe ladytron & more

about to go out to tempest. granted it's 18 & over BUT 2 of ladytron are suppose to dj so we're going to dance. we're going to dance like there's no tomorrow. im so happy. this year's almost over. can't believe it's november already (again). i called this year to be "my year" and i'm going to make damn sure (think partially i already have) i'll keep it that way until the very end. no take backs. i've been pretty lucky so far. it's not so bad being me... do i hear a knock on my door?


i cancelled a date

how can two people who are so wrong for each other miss each other so much? This girl i know said over lunch yesterday that when her three year relationship ended, her first instinct of the things she didn't like about the guy when they first met were the exact reasons why she couldn't be with him anymore. how is it that we're able to be involved with people who are completely wrong for one another be together for such long period of time? i almost wish that i didn't get out of going out tonight so that my mind would stop wondering. it's becoming exhausting.


i hate

the fact that you hang out with people i dislike. i wish that some day soon, it won't bother me anymore. i don't want to care or to be hurt by it. and i hate the fact that it's you of all people who's making me feel this way. it makes your last email meaningless.


first of many

yesterday grace and i had dinner and saw shopgirl. it wasn't anything special. oh and i had a thought yesterday. this is kinda unfortunate? a bit weird but i was thinking about us, you and me, how things are between us and i was trying to relate us to someone i knew or other people and i came up with rachel and ross. i know thats pretty sad but it's true. so strange how tings turn out. i miss you so much. you dont understand how many times ive doubted myself, whether im doing the right thing. i felt broken after what happen.
today at a bar, a new friend of mine and i decided to stay put and not get up to have made-up, unecessary conversation with people. made me happy.
i wonder if a month will do us any good. i wonder if we'll be talking then.


fall is here

i love the smell and sound of rain. i'm going to miss sharing that with you.


this month's Blurb

"You touch me on my chest and stuff"

I'm going to take the rain as a good sign.

It's not that it hasn't rained like this here before, it's just that people can't remember. I wish it would stop though. My next door neighbor is supposely in the porn business, did I mention that? Well that's according to our past tenant. Bright flashes go off in his apartment from time to time, especially last night. Who knows what he's doing in their, it may not be anything x-rated at all but when someone leaves you a tiny bit of information like that, ones mind can't help but to wonder. Rainy days and 'cat power' go very well together, like coffee and cigarettes. So about cigarettes, I've kinda gave up smoking? But I do smoke maybe 4-5 times a month maybe, does that count? I'm sure it does. I'm pretty hopeful that I will be smoke free soon though. All those years, dollars, time, wrinkles, frowns, bad breath, yuck. Yuck is all I can and will say about that. But even now, I do have urges, like when I have a bad day or when I'm really hungry.
I had this crzy dream last night. I'd like to talk about it, but really don't know how. I wonder how this week's going to turn out. Tomorrow is my last day and come Wednesday everything new. A bit scared, worried, excited, happy? Question marks do come in handy.




My first dream about copper was few nights ago. I was making an energy drink in the mixer for one of my cousins. My grandmother who passes away about two years ago was standing next to me. After the drink was finally done, I gave a glass to my cousin and he didn't like the taste of it. And since my grandmother was next to me, I decided to give her a glass thinking that she probably wouldn't like it, BUT she DID. And I gave a glass to copper as well and she loved it. And then I woke up realizing that I dreamt about the two, whom I loved very much and tried to go back to continue, but I started dreaming about something else. And I still remember thinking in my dream, since the drink tasted like chocolate, I was worried that if I gave it to copper that she might get sick or die since dogs can't have chocolate. But she wanted it so bad and looked so cute the way she always did (its so weird using past tense) I gave it to her making sense to myself that it probably doesn't contain enough REAL chocolate to harm her. So strange...